


The boy who lost the light of his life and eyes

by Szim



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: "did you ever love me?", Angst, Blindness, Break Up, Day 5, Getting Together, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Realisations, Unrequited Love, star tear disease, written for haikyuuangstweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szim/pseuds/Szim
Summary: Matsukawa Issei was a simple man - he lived his life like anyone else of his age, going to school, having and pursuing his hobby, having good friends.And such good friends they were! Especially his best friend, Hanamaki Takahiro, the always witty, hilarious, meme-buddy of his, with the brightest personality and kindest nature. Like a star, giving him light, when he needed it. Matsukawa was never one to turn down anything he was given freely, so he basked in that light and warmth, until he realised his mistake – he fell for him, deep and hard. He was in love with his best friend...
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	The boy who lost the light of his life and eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Magyar available: [a fiú aki elvesztette szeme s élete világát](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28554960) by [Szim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szim/pseuds/Szim)



Matsukawa Issei was a simple man - he lived his life like anyone else of his age, going to school, having and pursuing his hobby, having good friends. 

And such good friends they were! Especially his best friend, Hanamaki Takahiro, the always witty, hilarious, meme-buddy of his, with the brightest personality and kindest nature. Like a star, giving him light, when he needed it. Matsukawa was never one to turn down anything he was given freely, so he basked in that light and warmth, until he  _ realised  _ his mistake – he fell for him, deep and hard. He was in love with his best friend.

It was a hopeless and unrequited romantic interest, he knew, but still, he was hopeful, and grateful that he had Hanamaki in his life, even if just as a friend.

Although, once he started noticing his best friend, his love, coughing, getting ill and weaker, his heart filled with worry. He urged him to get himself checked, insisting on staying at home, and Hanamaki tried to refuse it, but he was too weak to actually do so. Thus, he complied. 

Matsukawa visited him every day, after school, bringing him necessities, little gifts to cheer him up, and of course – his favourite desserts: creampuffs.

Hanamaki seemed happy about those, but still, he didn’t get better as expected, which filled Matsukawa with more worry than before, and he felt bad, as if a crippling hand would be on his neck, choking him, and another weighing him down by his shoulders. He was so very afraid of his friend getting seriously sick, but he didn’t let this show to him, no, he couldn’t bring down his spirit, or else he would never get better, so he just shoved the bad feelings to the back of his head, smiling, and trying to encourage Hanamaki at getting better.

In the safety of his own room, back at home, Issei couldn’t contain himself, and eventually let his system get rid of the built-up emotions the easiest way possible – he cried.

Gradually, Hanamaki became better, or so it seemed, and Matsukawa knew that something about that just wasn’t right, but he didn’t know what bothered him, so he stayed silent about it, but something deep in his guts felt the anxiety of uncertainty and helplessness. 

As the days passed by again, and he still felt this anxiousness, he eventually tried to talk to Hanamaki about it, but he brushed it away as nothing, then started pushing him away, not visibly, but Matsukawa still felt a pang of pain thinking about it, how Hanamaki avoided him when no one was around, only interacting with him when others were with them, and he knew that he was hiding something, he just didn’t know what, and it hurt, to know that he was deliberately doing this to him, and the unknown factor made him worry too, and the whole helplessness of the situation was eating him up from inside, which frustrated him, eventually ending up being a kind of sad and hurt anger which he hated feeling.

Crying soon enough became a habit – once he was safely alone at home, he would cry into his cushions. 

As the days passed by, his eyesight started to become blurry and dull, but he shrugged it off as a side-symptom of all the crying, and bad emotional state. That was normal, after all, wasn’t it?

While he understood that Hanamaki needed his space, he still felt responsible, while he knew that rationally he wasn’t the reason why he was avoiding him. He just wanted to talk to him, not necessarily about Hanamaki’s newfound secret, just about anything, like how they used to.

So, reduced to sneaky tactics, he followed Hanamaki to the bathroom, where he found his best friend, his love, coughing, and it sounded awful. He rushed to his side to help, as he was heaving with all his might, it seemed, and what he saw in the sink made his mind freeze. Petals. Flower petals. He turns his gaze up, to see Hanamaki’s face, who is flushed due to the earlier strain and probably embarrassment too. After all, he didn’t want him to know about it. Which again, hurt Matsukawa, but on some level, he could understand.

“Who?” he asked, but Hanamaki just shook his head and backed away, then left the bathroom, leaving Matsukawa alone with the telltale petals…

Hanamaki had  _ hanahaki _ . Which meant, he was in love with someone else, unrequited, and was dying over it. He couldn’t help but feel again the worry, sadness, helplessness and anger.

He didn’t know what to do, so naturally he started his way to their other two friends: Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime, to seek their help and advice about the situation, but once he arrived to their lockers, he encountered a confrontation between the two. He stopped dead in his tracks, unable to move or speak, just listened to the heated dispute.

_ “... Did you ever love me? _ ” came the yelled question from the crying form of Oikawa, and Matsukawa felt dread, cold as ice. Did he just have to make things worse with walking on to them while they broke up? This was bad enough as it was…

Iwaizumi seemed regretful at the question, but did not answer, which was an answer in and of itself. 

At this lack of verbal response, Oikawa’s sobbing only worsened, then he stormed off. Matsukawa didn’t know what to do, if this was the right time to talk to Iwaizumi about the situation while they experienced another situation… but Makki was dying! 

After gathering his courage, all the while letting Iwaizumi gather himself as well, he went to him and quickly shared this new worrying piece of information with him.

Iwaizumi paled, and nodded after hearing the whole story, thanking him. Matsukawa didn’t know why he thanked this, but nodded in agreement nonetheless. He hoped Iwaizumi could help, he was his last chance, as he always knew what to say or do. He put all of his faith in his friend.

The days passed by quietly, filled with the negative feelings he got used to up until now, but he tried his best to keep himself together to be able to support Hanamaki. Iwaizumi was with them nowadays more often than not, and this eased his mind a bit, but still, he often cried at night, and the world didn’t seem to become any livelier, if anything, duller. He didn’t know if this was normal or not, but he didn’t have time to worry about himself and something as simple as a worsening eyesight when his best friend, his love, was dying!

So, he poured all his energy and love into getting Hanamaki everything he needed, dedicating himself to saving him, and Iwaizumi was helping, he could see that he was trying his best too, but while he was happy about that fact for Hanamaki, he was angry and jealous on his own behalf, because Iwaizumi seemed to get through to Hanamaki much easier than he did, and they became much closer to each other nowadays than Matsukawa and Hanamaki, and it hurt, but he didn’t let it show. He was happy that Hanamaki got the support he needed. 

He cried night after night, especially after the whole jealousy, because it hurt, and he slowly realised that something was really bad, as he saw colours on his cushions after crying into them, and a strange noise started to ingrain into his mind as he cried. Like a glass shattering, but worse. Was this noise he was making? He didn’t know, but he was afraid to know. Yet, he started searching up what it could be, before he would lose his eyesight. Because he realised that it had really gotten worse. 

And he did not like what he found.

The next day he pretended he didn’t have it. He didn’t intend to do so, but after Hanamaki told him that he was getting better, he didn’t have the heart to tell him. He sounded so happy, his heart clenched, knowing it wasn’t because of him. It was because of Iwaizumi, as it turned out that Hanamaki’s love wasn’t unrequited but requited by Iwaizumi, who broke up with Oikawa due to this fact…

That night, he couldn’t help but to cry himself to sleep. 

Then he called in sick for school, faking a cold, and stayed at home, crying until he felt too dehydrated to move and too numb to care about it. 

Next thing he noticed was the darkness. Even if he opened his eyes, it was all too dark. So he finally went blind…

He started wondering, if he deserved this because he didn’t see these things coming, or was it actually his own fault? After all, how could he not love the most love-able person in his life? The light of his life, his star… who loves another.

His star… funny, how fate decided to give him the  _ Star disease _ .


End file.
